"We can still be friends."

"We can still be friends." These are 5 words no one in a relationship looks forward to hearing. But for some reason we have all said of heard this sentence. And if you haven't, you definitely know what it means.

This weekend my roommate began having serious relationship trouble. Everyone around her knew what was soon to come... The break up talk. This would be a talk filled with sugar coated phrases intended to let her down easy, and break the news that the relationship was over.

Ill give you a little bit of background on the relationship before I tell how is all came crashing down. The two of them had been friends for a while, having similar classes and participating in the same organizations. After Christmas break they decided to take their friendship to "the next level." She could not have been happier. But I knew the whole time he was not ready or fully commited. You see he had recently got out of a 6 year relationship, and was no where near ready to jump into a new one. The lack of commitment became more than obvious this past weekend when his crazy ex-girlfriend came in town. As soon as the ex entered into the Oxford city limits the communication between my roomie and her not so great boyfriend came to a hault. They did not speak to one another for three days, which was extremely odd since they are both text message machines.

On Monday, to her surprise she ran into him on campus and needless to say it was awkward. As she walked past him he did not even acknowledge her. Knowing he was not going to say anything, my friend took matters in her own hands. She approached her so called boyfriend, calm, cool, and collected and said the infamous words "we need to talk." They made plans despite the awkwardness to meet later that night and discuss the weekends events. Immediately after running into him, my friend raced back to our room and began to brainstorm. This is where boys and girls differ. She pulled out a sheet of paper and began to write down everything she intended to say to him at "the talk." She had many questions that needed to be answered in order to get closer out of this ending relationship. He on the other hand did nothing to prepare himself for this talk and even worse did not even show up. I have read the book "He's just not that in to you." A boy, all the signs were there. But she could not just forget about the relationship with out having the opportunity to express herself to him. She drove to his apartment and demanded the talk to take place right then and there. At this point my friends feelings shifted from upset to livid do to the fact he did not even care enough to follow through with their plans. This anger allowed her true feelings to just roll off her tongue. As she ranted he could not get a single word in which is what she wanted. There was nothing he could say now. She stopped to take a breath and asked him if he had anything to say. He thought for a min, and then said the dreaded words, "I hope we can still be friends." What? There was no "I'm sorry." Just, we can still be friends.

Ending a relationship with "Lets be friends" has never made any since to me. The person saying it feels they are letting the other down easy. But everyone sees through this. The transition from " I love you" to "hey, buddy ole pal" is not an easy one. Lets be honest, being friends after a breakup does not usually happen, especially not right away. So next time you are thinking about breaking up with someone, and you are tempted to let them down easy, don't. Give them the true honest reason, do not try to make them feel better by dropping the cheesy, over used line "We can still be friends."

Personality Disorders causing Eating Disorders

There are many causes of eating disorders. Some of these causes are well known and others are not so obvious. One cause of eating disorders are personality disorders. These consist of mood disorders, body dismorphic disorder, and addictive personality disorder.

In last weeks blog I briefly discussed addictive personality disorder. This disorder causes the person to become addicted to a certain aspect of their life. Alcoholics are addicted to alcohol, shopaholics are addicted to shopping, and people with eating disorders are addicted to eating and the eating process. People suffering from anorexia and bulimia obsess about the process of eating. A process that to many is very enjoyable becomes unbearable to those with this disorder. Addictive personality disorder becomes very in obese people. They become so addicted to the feeling they get by eating that it masks their emotions and is seen as an escape. Many people suffering with obesity choose to under go gastric bi pass surgery in hopes to lose weight and body fat. Before having the surgery the patient must meet with a counselor. These counseling sessions are meant to address the reasons a patient is overeating. Counseling is a very important step in the surgery process. In many cases after the surgery the patient transfers their addiction. Since they are no longer able to hid behind eating they transfer their addiction to something else. There have been many people that become alcoholics, abuse drugs, or work out excessively. The reason counseling is so important is that the addiction is addressed and hopefully diminish the transfer.

Mood disorders are also seen as a cause of eating disorders. These mood disorders are bipolar and depression. They effect people suffering from obesity as well as anorexia and bulimia. The phrase "comfort food" can be taken to extremes. These foods are basically junk foods that make you "feel better." When people are depressed they spend time comforting themselves with food that in many cases leads to obesity. Bipolar disorder is similar to depression. Unlike depression bipolar disorder causes periods of extreme mania. This mania makes the person feel on "cloud nine." While in this state of mania the person will indulge in a lot of different foods in large amounts. When they begin to slip into the other state of bipolar, depression, they begin to feel guilty and about the recent eating habits. To then punish them self they will withhold food and starve.

The last disorder is more specific to the people with anorexia and bulimia. Body dismorphic disorder is hard to under by those who are not suffering from it. Imagine stepping on the scale and reading 100 pounds but then looking in the mirror and seeing someone weighing a significant amount more than that. People with this disorder will makes comments about being overweight. These comments are not meant to receive extra attention they truly see them self as being over weight. They will dress in over sized clothes believing that the clothes fit there body type. Seeing an overweight person looking back at them in the mirror in turn makes them think that constantly need to watch what they eat. And usually taking it to extremes

These disorders are not the cause of all eating disorders. I wanted to take a look at the causes that are not as openly discussed.