Tuesday, April 15, 2008

"We can still be friends."

"We can still be friends." These are 5 words no one in a relationship looks forward to hearing. But for some reason we have all said of heard this sentence. And if you haven't, you definitely know what it means.

This weekend my roommate began having serious relationship trouble. Everyone around her knew what was soon to come... The break up talk. This would be a talk filled with sugar coated phrases intended to let her down easy, and break the news that the relationship was over.

Ill give you a little bit of background on the relationship before I tell how is all came crashing down. The two of them had been friends for a while, having similar classes and participating in the same organizations. After Christmas break they decided to take their friendship to "the next level." She could not have been happier. But I knew the whole time he was not ready or fully commited. You see he had recently got out of a 6 year relationship, and was no where near ready to jump into a new one. The lack of commitment became more than obvious this past weekend when his crazy ex-girlfriend came in town. As soon as the ex entered into the Oxford city limits the communication between my roomie and her not so great boyfriend came to a hault. They did not speak to one another for three days, which was extremely odd since they are both text message machines.

On Monday, to her surprise she ran into him on campus and needless to say it was awkward. As she walked past him he did not even acknowledge her. Knowing he was not going to say anything, my friend took matters in her own hands. She approached her so called boyfriend, calm, cool, and collected and said the infamous words "we need to talk." They made plans despite the awkwardness to meet later that night and discuss the weekends events. Immediately after running into him, my friend raced back to our room and began to brainstorm. This is where boys and girls differ. She pulled out a sheet of paper and began to write down everything she intended to say to him at "the talk." She had many questions that needed to be answered in order to get closer out of this ending relationship. He on the other hand did nothing to prepare himself for this talk and even worse did not even show up. I have read the book "He's just not that in to you." A boy, all the signs were there. But she could not just forget about the relationship with out having the opportunity to express herself to him. She drove to his apartment and demanded the talk to take place right then and there. At this point my friends feelings shifted from upset to livid do to the fact he did not even care enough to follow through with their plans. This anger allowed her true feelings to just roll off her tongue. As she ranted he could not get a single word in which is what she wanted. There was nothing he could say now. She stopped to take a breath and asked him if he had anything to say. He thought for a min, and then said the dreaded words, "I hope we can still be friends." What? There was no "I'm sorry." Just, we can still be friends.

Ending a relationship with "Lets be friends" has never made any since to me. The person saying it feels they are letting the other down easy. But everyone sees through this. The transition from " I love you" to "hey, buddy ole pal" is not an easy one. Lets be honest, being friends after a breakup does not usually happen, especially not right away. So next time you are thinking about breaking up with someone, and you are tempted to let them down easy, don't. Give them the true honest reason, do not try to make them feel better by dropping the cheesy, over used line "We can still be friends."

Monday, April 7, 2008

Personality Disorders causing Eating Disorders

There are many causes of eating disorders. Some of these causes are well known and others are not so obvious. One cause of eating disorders are personality disorders. These consist of mood disorders, body dismorphic disorder, and addictive personality disorder.

In last weeks blog I briefly discussed addictive personality disorder. This disorder causes the person to become addicted to a certain aspect of their life. Alcoholics are addicted to alcohol, shopaholics are addicted to shopping, and people with eating disorders are addicted to eating and the eating process. People suffering from anorexia and bulimia obsess about the process of eating. A process that to many is very enjoyable becomes unbearable to those with this disorder. Addictive personality disorder becomes very in obese people. They become so addicted to the feeling they get by eating that it masks their emotions and is seen as an escape. Many people suffering with obesity choose to under go gastric bi pass surgery in hopes to lose weight and body fat. Before having the surgery the patient must meet with a counselor. These counseling sessions are meant to address the reasons a patient is overeating. Counseling is a very important step in the surgery process. In many cases after the surgery the patient transfers their addiction. Since they are no longer able to hid behind eating they transfer their addiction to something else. There have been many people that become alcoholics, abuse drugs, or work out excessively. The reason counseling is so important is that the addiction is addressed and hopefully diminish the transfer.

Mood disorders are also seen as a cause of eating disorders. These mood disorders are bipolar and depression. They effect people suffering from obesity as well as anorexia and bulimia. The phrase "comfort food" can be taken to extremes. These foods are basically junk foods that make you "feel better." When people are depressed they spend time comforting themselves with food that in many cases leads to obesity. Bipolar disorder is similar to depression. Unlike depression bipolar disorder causes periods of extreme mania. This mania makes the person feel on "cloud nine." While in this state of mania the person will indulge in a lot of different foods in large amounts. When they begin to slip into the other state of bipolar, depression, they begin to feel guilty and about the recent eating habits. To then punish them self they will withhold food and starve.

The last disorder is more specific to the people with anorexia and bulimia. Body dismorphic disorder is hard to under by those who are not suffering from it. Imagine stepping on the scale and reading 100 pounds but then looking in the mirror and seeing someone weighing a significant amount more than that. People with this disorder will makes comments about being overweight. These comments are not meant to receive extra attention they truly see them self as being over weight. They will dress in over sized clothes believing that the clothes fit there body type. Seeing an overweight person looking back at them in the mirror in turn makes them think that constantly need to watch what they eat. And usually taking it to extremes

These disorders are not the cause of all eating disorders. I wanted to take a look at the causes that are not as openly discussed.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

The causes of eating disorders

A few weeks ago I watched an episode of Dr. Phil about a 27 year old woman who weighed only 82 pounds. She was suffering from a severe case of anorexia and bulimia. Everyone in the audience knew what the show topic was. They were aware the Dr. Phil would be interviewing a sick and extremely skinny woman. Even with this knowledge the members of the audience could not help but to gasp and some even cringed at the sight of the woman when she walked on the stage.

This show sparked my interest for a research topic. What causes eating disorders? By eating disorders I do not just mean anorexia and bulimia, but also obesity. When victims of these disorders are in public, the people surrounding them point, giggle, make faces, and comments to the people next to them. Many people do not understand these disorders and most do not care to learn.

There is much more to these people than just a problem with food. The woman on the Dr. Phil show was raped at a young age and did not have a healthy relationship with her father. He blamed her for the rape and did not show any sympathy to her feelings. After that traumatic experience she began to punish herself by withholding food and starving herself. This is not unusual for people with eating disorders. They try to control their feelings with food. People struggling with obesity also try to control feelings with food, but instead of withholding the food they tend to over eat. Many people with obesity hide their feelings with food. They eat when they are sad, anxious,and celebrating. The food makes them feel better and in return they do not have to deal with their true feelings.

Along with feelings, personality traits also effect people with eating disorders. Many of these people have an addictive personality traits. They become addicted to eating or not eating. The problem elevates and they obsessed and food is all they can think about. It often tends to control their life to the point that they can not carry out normal day to day actions.

Many think that the people with these disorders are lazy or only striving for attention. I am hoping to dig deeper into this topic and find all the reason people struggle with these disorders.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Shop till you drop

When considering girls favorite ways to spend spare time, what comes to mind? No, not talking on the phone... shopping! Girls love to shop when they just got paid, have no money, want to celebrate, or having a bad day. But why? So I asked myself, "what is so great about shopping?"
But before I was able to answer why, I first thought of all the reasons why not!

When I thought about it logically, all that could come to mind is shopping is not great. Shopping is torture! When you walk into a store you are greeted by manikins wearing extra small tops and size two jeans. If you make it beyond the entrance, you are then bombarded by sales clerks. These clerks are usually working on commission and eager to make a sale by any means. Once you escape the fake smiles and simingly friendly advice of the clerks you must then decide, why am I here, and what am I here for?

When shopping, there are two things I personally hate looking for. The thought of trying on jeans and a bathing suit defines torture to a "T". Neither ever fits perfect! After you muster up the courage to go in search of a new pair of jeans, the next challenge is finding the right style and size for you. Finding the perfect jean is easier said than done. There are many different styles. Low rise, mid rise, high rise, flare, boot cut, trouser fit, and straight leg are just naming a few. After you pick the right style for you then you must find a size. There are many different methods to size. Some jeans come in inches like a size 27, and others in standard sizes like a 6. You can also find short, petite, regular, and long length jeans. Oh, but it does not end there. Depending on the brand of jean, the sizes and styles will vary.

If you think thats bad, let me elaborate on the hunt for the perfect bathing suit. Around this time of year everyone has spring break on their mind. Which means it is once again time to set out to the local mall and find a bathing suit. When spring arrives all the stores are filled with bright colored bikinis designed to fit a stick thin model (which is not me). Like jeans, bathing suits come in numerous shapes, styles, and prices. Every year the prices of bathing suits seem to increase. I find it extremely difficult to spend a hundred dollars on something as small as a swim suit. For that price the suit should make me look and feel like the model wearing it in the catalog.
But I have yet to find a bathing suit that makes me look like Cindy Crawford.

No matter what you are shopping for it is best the try on before making a purchase. The fitting room is the final obstacle when it comes to shopping. You lock yourself in a small room, walled with oversized mirrors, that I swear add on ten pounds. You are surrounded by florescent lights that seem to highlight every flaw. And to make things worse the girl in the room next to you always seems to look better wearing the same outfit. If these elements do not intimidate you and you are still satisfied with your find, you then proceed to the register. Usually finding you have picked out the most expensive thing in the store.

Don't get me wrong I love to shop. I just have never thought about why I enjoy it. The process of trying on outfit after outfit finding that none of them fit correctly is not much of a confidence booster. But apart from all the negative aspects of shopping, the process can be alot of fun. There is nothing I enjoy more then going to the mall with my girl friends with a new pay check in my pocket. Shopping in a way is the new and improved game of dress-up. Even if you do not have a new crisp paycheck in your pocket it is still fun to go and try on all the things you can't buy. And from personal experience when you don't have much money is the time when you find the best things. Shopping is like a game, if you can make it past the manikins, sales clerks, fitting rooms, and prices tags you can usually find just what you were looking for. There is something extremely rewarding about overcoming the obstacles of shopping and leaving with a purchase.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Obsessed with the Reality

Every night many people "set up camp" infornt of their televisions waiting anxiously for this weeks episode of their favorite reality television show. What is our obsession with watching average people live in a house together, or our fixation with a rock star looking for love?
When MTV's The Real World came to Oxford looking for its next "roommate", hundreds of college kids lined up outside of The Levee hoping to get their fifteen minutes of fame. The Real World is a reality tv favorite. The show is about the interaction between seven "strangers" all living in one house. The cameras are on 24 hours a day 7 days a week catching the roommates doing everything from sleeping to fighting. Every week thousands of people tune into see what they will do next. Why is everyone so interested in what seven random people are doing? You have to admit it is pretty entertaining watching people you don't know live in an amazing city, getting drunk, hooking up, working, and fighting. Basicly they are doing everything you are not doing at that moment. It proves to us, by watching the show, that we as people are not the only ones making mistakes, having bad days, or missing someone we love.
Rock of Love, my personal favorite, is also a reality tv show focused on average people. But, Rock of Love differs from The Real World in many ways. The main difference is that on Rock of Love the girls are all after one thing. They are all out to win the heart of Poison front man Bret Michaels. Every Sunday night at 8 o'clock my tv is tuned into VH1. On every show the girls are competing for Bret's time and attention. They take part in challenges where the winner receives alone time with Bret. The challenges range for motorcyle building, football games, and a good ole dance off. Rock of Love is not the only show of its kind where a super star in search of love turns to reality tv. 1990's rap superstar Flavor Flav jumped on the reality ban wagon by staring in the show Flavor of Love. What makes these shows so apealing? Who am I kidding, who hasn't had a crush on a celebrity and thought, " oh what I would give to have a chance." The girls on these reality shows are given that opportuity we have all dreamed of. Bret Michaels and Flavor Flav are not my type, but don't get me wrong, it makes for great tv!
As long as we lust for celebirties and need reassurance that we are not the only ones making mistakes reality television is not going anywhere. Untill the voids are filled within our own lives we will settle for out weekly dose of reality television to fill in.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

"Facebook" and "Myspace"..A predators best friend

61 percent of teens have a networking webpage posting pictures and information about themselves. 1 out of 5 believe these pages to be safe. The University of New Hampshire researchers found that 1 in 7 youth have received a sexual solicitation online.

Imagine a place where people post thier name, address, phone number, and picture to friends, strangers, and potential predators. Well, a place like this really exists. To many college students and teens Facebook and Myspace are a favorite past time.

Myspace is a networking site open to anyone and everyone. When you sign up to be a member, the first step is creating a webpage. During this process you fill in your name, hometown, and a short paragraph about yourself and your interests. After the "About Me" portion is complete you upload a default photo of yourself. There is alos an option to fill out a survey revealing information such a sexual preference, relationship status, and your reason for joining Myspace. All profiles are open to the public. There is a function called "friend finder." In this space you type in the name of the person you are interested in finding. The database is searched and everyone with the same or similar is revealed. You are able to choose from this list the person you were looking for. You then have to option to ask this person to be your friend. When you ask someone to be your friend a message is sent to them stating they have a friend request. The person can choose to except or reject this request. Myspace does attempt to put limits on its members. All members must be over the age of 14. While this sounds great there is no way to diferentiate between a 9 year old pretending to be 15, or a 50 year old man acting as a 16 year ole highschool student.

Facebook, like Myspace, is also a networking website. It differs in that Facebook was intended for college students. When signing up for Facebook membership you must have a college email address such as @olemiss.edu. With this information the members are placed in "Networks" according to the school they attend. On facebook you are not only restricted to friends in your "network." You can send and accept friend request from people in any "network." Facebook also has a search feature. This allows its members to locate old highschool friends. Within in the search you can conduct and "advanced search." This is a much more specific search to narrow down the outputted results. During this search you not only search for a name, alos included are things like hometown, highschool, graduating year, network, and sex. Although Facebook was started for soley college students it has now expanded and ,like Myspace, is open to the public.

Websites like Myspace and Facebook are a great way to keep in touch with friends, but you have to be smart. Now, both Myspace and Facebook allow its members the option to make their profile "private." By having a private profile the information on your page and pictures are restricted and can only be viewed by the people you have chosen to be your friends. Creating a private profile can reduce the probability of being targeted by an online predator.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

"Things that never cross a man's mind"

"Things That Never Cross A Man's Mind"
I need to go shopping* These shoes are all wrong* Just look in my closet* Not a thing to put on* I wonder how these jeans make me look from behind* Things that never cross a man's mind*

Lets turn off the TV* Now can't we just talk* Lets lay here and cuddle* Till we both drift off* If we don't make love* That'll be just fine* Things that never cross a man's mind*

That joke is too dirty* This steak is too thick* Ain't no way in the world I'll ever finish it* That car is too fast* This beer is too cold* And watching all this football is sure getting old* Wish I was working this weekend* Not on the lake wetting my line* Things that never cross a man's mind*

Her lips are too red* Her skirt is too tight* Her legs are too long* And her heels are too high* Boy, she looks like the marrying kind* Things that never cross a man's mind*

That joke is too dirty* This steak is too thick* Ain't no way in the world I'll ever finish it* That car is too fast* This beer is too cold* And watching all this football is sure getting old* Wish I was working this weekend* Not on the lake wetting my line* Things that never cross a man's mind*

I feel a little bloated* I think I'm fixing to start* That movie was good except for the violent parts* Brad Pitt is sexy* Why did he change his hair* I knew him and Jenny never had a prayer* These curtains clash with the carpet* The color scheme is a crime* Things that never cross a man's mind* Things that never cross a man's mind*

The lyrics of this song accomonied with a catchy tune summerize the main differences in men and women's thinking.
In the first verse the song concentrates on the differences in the way men and women value their personal apperences. Women spend more time thinking about what to wear, and also how they look to others. When a man is getting dressed its not the opinion of others that they have in mind. Men pick out clothes that are comfortable and work with their lifestyle.
A stereotype is the focus of the second verse. Many think of women as being the more sentimental and emotional gender. They enjoy talking and cuddling, while men are expected to with hold all emotions and feelings.
The chorus of the song takes things that men would say and switches it to how a woman sees it. To a man, a steak could never be too thick, and a beer too cold. The chorus assumes that men would rather fish and watch football than work.
Similar to the first verse, the third verse centers around apperence. This verse differs in it talks about how women look in mens eyes. The song assumes that all men are attracted to women that wear red lipstick, tight skirts, and high heels. At the end of the chorus is says "Man she looks like the marrying kind. Things that never cross a man's mind." This phrase points out the fact that when a man notices a women, marriage is not the first thing on his mind.
Taking into consideration that this song is based on assumptions and stereotypes, It is a fun way to poke fun of differences between men and women.

Analyzation can be broken down into four different groups. The song " Things that never cross a man's mind." Is an example of comedy. Comedy is the marriage story. The boy and girl fall in love and wish to be together but something is keeping them apat. In the case of the song, the something hindering the relationship is the differences between the men and women. If the two can over come the differences the love will be triumphant.